Un-Practice & Rest

The older I get, the more I find myself trying to earn rest.

How I’ve adopted this mindset for something so innate, leaves me a bit perplexed.

Though I grew up hearing the phrase “as you get older, you start to care less”,

I’ve subconsciously clung to the idea that

Constant productivity is the only way to success.

These days, I’ve found myself leaning into the rat race more and more.

It’s almost like my body’s trying to settle some score.

With who? I don’t know…

But regardless of their name,

I know for a fact that I’ve playing a long, losing game.

The defeat is apparent in the new phrases I use,

Like “I can rest after I do XYZ”

Or “10 more minutes” knowing I’ll multiply that by two…

For hours, days, months on end,

I’ve noticed these small habits turn into toxic recurring trends.

I miss when I was younger and would nap without a care in the world;

Sleeping for hours, body comfortably curled.

Nowadays I can barely get the suggested eight hours of sleep.

Because I’m too busy worried about tomorrow’s large feats.

I could go on forever, but all this to say,

I hate how I’ve succumbed to the pressure of prioritizing productivity over play.

If capitalism were a person, they’d give me around of applause ( I’m sure of it).

Good thing my higher self values connection more than material store picks.

Know that this inherited mindset of “product vs people” is not one I intend to keep.

So standby as I try to un-practice what has constantly been preached.